I was in the employee kitchen at lunch today, minding my own business, waiting for my food to heat in the microwave.
I happen to look VERY cute today, wearing a new Banana crepe top with a double strand of long "pearls" from Forever 21. (only $6!) I was feeling good. You need to know this part.
So random lady, that I know of, but do not know well, (We aren't BFFs or anything, in fact I've spoken with her maybe twice ever. Just an acquaintance of the over 450 employees we have here) this random lady turns to me and says, "What a cute top!"
I started to smile and say thank you. It IS a cute top after all.
And I WAS feeling very good today. But before I get out the "thank..." she continues. "Are you?" And she gestures a big bump at her midsection.
Now, either she thinks I'm bloated... or pregnant.
And I look her right in the eye, raise my eyebrows and silently will her to, "Say it. Say IT!" Totally giving her a beat, a moment to comprehend my dagger stare and change her tune. My thoughts are nearly audible, "I dare you to SAY IT!"
And so she does. "Are you pregnant?!?!" she asks, very excited. The entire busy kitchen went silent and all eyes were on me. Crickets chirped, a plate hit the floor. (okay, so not really, but that makes it so much more dramatic) I could hear the collective thought, "Oh no she di-in't!" And they strained to hear my answer.
You just don't ask these questions, especially not of random co-workers.
While my first response was to coil back in horror and ask her, WHERE SHE WAS RAISED, I simply declared, "Well, I'll never wear THIS top again!"
She apologized, I grabbed my food and moved on. Or so I thought. Not 30 minutes later I was in the elevator with another lady. I smiled, we exchanged pleasantries and then she blurts out (in a FULL elevator) "TPG, are you going to be a mommy or is that just a comfortable top?"
For reals ya'll. For reals! TWICE in the same hour. So, I'll probably wear a spandex cat suit to work tomorrow.
Just so everyone is clear.