I fell down last night.
I haven't run in well over a week for various reasons and last night about 9:30 I decided that I HAD to go run. Right that very minute. You know what I mean. I felt like my very life's breath depended on it.
I was slow and shaky. It was very dark, but then I usually run in the pre-dawn darkness. Still, I was careful. I haven't been eating well and I was weak. With each precarious step I worried that my wobbly legs wouldn't hold me. But they are strong from years of running. My legs didn't fail me. My footfalls were nearly silent as I trudged through the warm, sleepy quiet of the neighborhood.
I thought to myself, "I still have this. I can still run. That hasn't been taken from me."
God chuckles when we become too self confident. Whether it was a bump in the pavement, weakness or God's sense of humor I'll never know. But as I gingerly stepped my way in front of my house, I fell. Hard. It seemed to take ages to hit the ground.
I lay there hurt, bleeding and eventually, sobbing, crying like a child for her mother, when she's fallen off her bike.
But my mother did not come. I'm not 5 anyway.
After several minutes, with great difficulty I slowly picked myself up, wiped away my tears and headed in the house.
Today I have a glaring wound on my hand, complete with gravel under my flesh that I cannot extract. My body aches from my plummet. My fingers are swollen from catching myself. My gash throbs with pain. The hurt is deep enough I'm sure I'll have a nasty scar to remind me of my fall.
It's ugly, but it's mine.
That's life. Sometimes you fall. Heck, sometimes you get shoved to the ground. The hurt is worse than you ever imagined possible. And you'll lie there in the darkness, bleeding, sobbing, waiting for someone to rescue you.
But they won't come. Because while it's okay to mourn your fall, you've got to eventually pick yourself up off the road or you'll get run over when day light comes. You have to dig deep to find the courage and the strength to pick your own self up. And yeah, you'll probably have a scar to remind you of the pain. But hopefully, eventually, with time, that scar will get lighter and fade. It will always be there, but someday, someday for sure, it won't hurt nearly as much.
And somehow, that makes me feel just a little bit better about my fall.
As much as your fall sucks, there is a beauty in your analogy. Time does heal all wounds...the scars become stories to tell - lessons learned...wisdom to pass on...hurdles conquered...all things forming us into the perfectly imperfect lovelies we are.
ReplyDeleteFeel better and know that in spirit you have many lifting you up (including me)! =)
So sorry sweetie! Pick your self back up. You can conquer this. It will only make you stronger.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your fall. Good post. It is ok to cry when you fall. Just be sure to lick the wounds and stand up and try again, and again, and again.
ReplyDeleteI hope you will feel much better soon and that your next run will be a whole lot better than this one!
So sorry! I know how that hurts! I fell once when I was running.... and my FACE caught the worst of it!
ReplyDeleteOh no! I'm so sorry about your fall. This is a great message, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about the bad fall. However, I gotta say, this was a great post. I loved your words, and I felt as if I needed to hear that! Thanks for writing it!
ReplyDeleteOhhh, been there done that. I can really relate not only to your fall but also to the feeling of helpnessless and in a way abandonement. We become children again in those situations. Yes, pick YOURSELF up! And that scar will remind you of your strength. Love your attitude!
ReplyDeleteOh man! That stinks that you fell on your run but go you for picking yourself up.
ReplyDeleteI have a crazy way to get the gravel out of your hand - bacon fat. Yes, you read that right and although it's gross it totally works! My Gram taught me the trick of putting bacon fat on splinters and such and somehow the fat sucks it right out - even gravel - as I found out when I had a bad rollerblading fall in college.
All you have to do is put a slab of the fat on the spot, cover it with a band-aid or bandage and let it sit on it overnight and it should be gone by morning. I know you're a vegetarian so this may not be an option (and you may have gotten it out already) but I swear by it.
Hope you're feeling better!
Such a well written post. Such a good reminder that when you're feeling sorry for yourself about something the only one who can pick you up and make you get back to life is yourself. Feel better!
ReplyDeleteSorry about your fall! If it makes you feel any better I did the same darn thing the other day. I don't remember falls hurting that much when I was a kid...
ReplyDeleteUh-oh! Sounds like a bad fall! Hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteEven though you're not 5, your mom & many others (me!) would be there with a shoulder to cry on! We'll pick you up off the ground and won't let ya get run over! I am just down the road & a cell phone call away! Love you!
ReplyDeleteYou turned what could have been a horrible memory, into a life lesson... Ya know the Chris Tomlin song, "I will rise". Reading this made me think of that song. If you haven't heard it, listen to it. It could be your anthem. "and I will rise, on eagles wings, before my God, fall on my knees, and rise..."
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