The Truth Hurts

Ever heard that phrase?

The truth hurts.


Boy it sure does. 


I've been debating about writing about this topic.  I try to keep my blog light and optimistic. Encouraging and fun.  But I also try to keep it real.  What you read isn't an edited version of me; it's That Pink Girl through and through.  I love my friends as much as I say.  I really do think in pink.  I am as sarcastic as I seem.  I am as easily placated by stickers and glitter as you'd think. 

There is more to me though, of course.  And I've hesitated in sharing with you.  Hesitated because I was afraid.  Ashamed.  But who am I if not honest?  So I'm taking a risk and I'm opening up.



The truth hurts.


And no one can hurt us more than those who are closest to us.  I've been hurt so very badly by the closest person in my life.  Not just once, but repeatedly.  Like an emotional MMA fight.  Every time he'd hit me with more truth, I'd fall down. Then stubborn me, I'd shake my head, dust off my hands and stagger back up.  And bam, hit again. I kept letting him hit me with his words and his truths (but mostly his lies) because that's who I am.  I'm stubborn.  I don't give up on those I love. 


I can't take it anymore.  I can't take anymore truth.  I've heard all I can bear.


The truth hurts too much.


Here is my truth.  I'm depressed.  I don't eat.  I can't sleep without medication.  I don't enjoy the things that used to make me happy.  I dread running.  I don't leave the house except for work, errands and exercise.  I don't answer e-mails from my friends.  I don't call my family.  The smallest tasks overwhelm me.  I think bad things about myself.  I cry as soon as I wake up.   I hide behind the copier at work and cry.  I drive home and cry.  I call out to the Lord to help me.  To give me strength.  Romans 8:26

And I  sit and wonder what happened to my life?  How did this happen to ME? 


For one perfect moment, I had everything.  I had what people dream of.  I was keenly aware of the blessings in my life and I'd go to bed thanking God for all that He had given me.  I knew I had something so many people didn't.


And in an instant, it was gone. 


The truth hurts.


Yes, I see a counselor. A good one. And she helps. Yes, I talk to a few trusted friends.  And that helps.  Daily I call on the Lord for strength. And He gives it to me as best I can handle it.  2 Corinthians 12:9


But I'm still sad.  I'm not the girl I once was.  He took that from me. And I'll never be the same.  I may get better, I'm sure I'll get stronger, but there will always be a piece of me missing.  He took that. 


And I don't know how I'll put my life back together. But I will.  I don't know how I'll ever feel normal again.  But I will.  I don't know when I'll wake up and not look for him next to me.  But I will.  I don't know when this hurt will go away. But it will. Exodus 14:14


Won't it?



I'm writing this to be honest.  I've received so much love from the blogworld.  So many prayers, so much concern. And I feel like I've let you down by not being stronger, by hiding my pain.  So I'm being honest.  Psalm 34:18


The truth hurts.


And am I hurting beyond belief.  My heart is broken.  Broken beyond repair.  My body aches with grief.  My soul is weary.  My spirit is crushed.  But I won't give up.  I won't give in.  I will be true to myself.  And I'll be true to you.


Even when the truth hurts. So very much.



Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.  Psalm 4:1

Rock N Roll Weekend

What a week.

Actually, quite awful  But at least it is over. The week anyway.  I hate that I'm wishing so much of my life away. And the thing is, my future is so uncertain, it's not like I'm looking forward to great things so I don't know why I'm so eager to get on with it.  Anyway.  Today is a brand new day.  Google Reader basically exploded; I had hundreds of unread posts.  So sorry, y'all, I marked all as read.  If anything really extraordinary happened to you - I missed it.  I'm sorry.  I just had to.  There was no way I was ever going to catch up.

I did get to head to the vet not once, but twice last week.  Everyone is okay. We just had a nasty case of tapeworm among a few of the furry residents. Ew and ew.  Good thing they are so cute.  (the cats, not the worms) All better now.

Softball season started up.  We won our first game.  No thanks to me.  But at least I matched.  Yes, those are pink sparkle laces in my pink and back cleats.  What did you expect?

Saturday I was excited to meet up with Kim as she travelled to Dallas to race the Rock and Roll Half.  I even went to the Expo - that's how much I like her.  Expo actually wasn't nearly as stressful since I wasn't racing.  I tried drinkable yogurt, eh, and some honey milk, double eh.  I did run into Ally so that was awesome!  I just love that spunky little girl!

It was a beautiful day in Dallas and we celebrated by having lunch on the patio at a local restaurant.  It got up to 87 (30.5 C)!!!  Sunny and gorgeous.  I really enjoyed spending the day with a sweet friend. 

Later, recovered from his unwelcome visitor, Hank helped me make signs.  I had great plans to spectate RnRDallas with friends.  Note: cats aren't nearly as helpful at sign making as they like to think.

Our plan was to dress up like super heroes.  As you can see, Lucy outdid us all!  Isn't she just precious?!?!  She was a BIG HIT at the race.  I love her attitude!

Here we all are.  Sadly, Boy Mom was sick and couldn't make it. Boy Mom, we missed you and hope you are feeling better!  We still had a pretty big crew if you count the kiddos. There are actually two small children in the wagon.  Kara has twin boys and they were all bundled up under the quilt.  A cold front came in last night and while yesterday it was hot and sunny, today the high was 48 (8.8C)!  I'm so glad it wasn't warm and humid for the runners.  Great racing weather.  Side note, is that not the cutest little dinosaur?  

Kim spotted us just after mile 2.  Doesn't she look great?  Yes, I'm wearing a pink satin cape.  I'm Pink Girl, who else? 

Run, run, as fast as you can - loved the gingerbread woman.  Saw her several times on the course. Very cute costume idea! 

This guy stopped at had his picture made with us each time he saw us on the course.  Finally I insisted that I get one too!  I mean, really, any guy that can rock a green tutu is cool in my book!  Dallas readers, anyone recognize the green tutu man???  Do you know him?  Green tutu man, who ARE you?  Later in the race we got to see him cross the finish line with his kids. Too adorable - and they were wearing capes!

Lookee who I spotted just before mile 8?  She had been running uphill since mile 2.  And still going strong!

Spectating was so much fun!  It was a cold day to not be moving (but perfect weather for the runners) but we enjoyed every last minute of it!  My throat is hoarse from hollerin', my wrist is tired from ringing that cowbell but it was a great experience. To see the look of pride and accomplishment on the runner's faces - wow.  Hopefully we were able to bring a few smiles to a few racers today! 

Look at this smile!  You'll have to wait for her race recap to find out how she did - it's her story to tell.  But I will say that I'm so, so proud of her!  Way to go Kim - can't wait to see you race in Dallas again in August!

And of course, a few of the Longhorn band members were at the Cottonbowl to bring in the runners at mile 13.  I dance myself silly while I waited for Kim.  You know I love a good band and it doesn't get any better than this!  Hook 'em!

Walk it Out

Today was a gift.

A gorgeous Spring day here in Dallas.  Not a rain cloud in sight, just plenty of sunshine and cool weather.  Love. So at lunch I went out walking.  I work in the most beautiful neighborhood. Officially, it's called Uptown because, you know, it is up from Downtown.  So clever this city planners.  It used to be an actual neighborhood filled with Victorian mansions.  Many of those homes still stand, but exist now as hotels, restaurants or other businesses.  In recent years many 4 and 5 star hotels have popped up along with luxury high rise apartments and swanky eateries.  Let's amble around Uptown, shall we?  And we're off!

Here we have the Crescent Court.  It's an office complex, then fancy dancy hotel then high end department store, Stanley Korshak.  There's a magnificent fountain in the middle that I didn't photograph.  Next time, I promise.

There are many fine restaurants that I never eat at because even the lunch menus are waaaaay outta my price range.  Don't feel too sorry for me, there is also a Potbelly and LA Gourmet close by!  I certainly manage.

Little boutique hotels.

And even a festive trolley that ding ding dings down the brick roads.  (but watch out, it will run you over in a heartbeat!)

Some of the homes are just stunning and so close to the original state.  I love to imagine the families that used to inhabit the hood. 

Since I was taking pics with my phone, you really can't appreciate the detail of the leaded glass transoms.  Just trust me on this one, they are there!  Look closely and you'll see a figurehead watching over the front porch. 

This house had gas flames illuminating the porch lights.  I just love that!  I've always said I'd like to have gas lights on the front porch.  Bahama Mama agrees and thinks this is a GREAT idea.  Mostly because her hubs works for the gas company, ha!

I've always loved this little church. 

I really enjoyed my walk.  It was nice to get out of the office, breathe in some "fresh" air and really take in my surroundings.  I need to do this more often.  Perhaps tomorrow I'll pack a portable lunch so I can head out in the other direction!

Lastly, I saw this in someone's front yard.  Just cracked me up and I knew I had to run up in the yard to snag a photo for y'all!  You're welcome.

Tonight was yoga.  90 minutes of heat, humidity and bendiness.  I really didn't want to go.  Instead, I wanted to fall asleep on the sofa, cuddling a fat, happy cat.  But I dragged my silly self out of the house and was so glad that I did! 

You rarely regret the workouts you do, but you often regret the ones you don't.

Monday Night Lights

If I've said it once,

I've said it a thousand times.  If you want to run faster, you have to, you know, run faster.  And running faster is hard.  Haaaaaaaaaard.  (said in my best curling voice) I'm glad for the opportunity to be back at the track.  I'd neglected any super serious speedwork in the month leading up to my ultra.  Ha, like there is anything super serious about anything related to my running. Anyways.  It's been about 7 weeks since my last track date.   

Sare Bear met for some Monday Night Lights and it was amazeballs.  Boss, is actually how I described it on Daily Mile.  (thanks to Zoe for the word)  We ran 8 x 400.  I was shooting for a 1:58 400.  My times were: 1:53, 1:51, 1:51, 1:52, 1:48, 1:51, 1:52, 1:44.  Consistent if just a schooch faster than planned.  I'll take faster any day as long as it is consistent!  Of course the weird part about speed work is that you are all gross and hot and tired like you had this major work out and then you look down at your Garmin to see you only ran 3.62 miles!  Whaaaaaat?  Oh wells, they were quality miles!  Miles that will make me faster and get me ready for shorter distances.

Giddy is the best way to describe how I feel reading your race recaps and watching you prepare for upcoming races.  You make me want to run a 5K, you do!  But sigh, I'm struggling to find smaller 5Ks this Spring.  We'll see what the 5K front holds.

The Big D Half and White Rock Centennial Half await me though.  Big D was my very first half so it holds a special place in my heart.  Nah, not really.  It's a decent race.  Not too big so you don't get too clumpy at the start.  Lots of crowd support in the hoods and not too terribly many hills.  I'd really, really, really like to PR this race.  My half PR (2:11)  is getting kind of old now.  It's time to set some records, baby! We'll see what training holds for me. My hip has been wonky all weekend. I'm not sure what I said in particular to hurt its feelings, but boy howdy it's angry at me!  Ice, stretching and foam rolling are on my schedule daily.  

If you needed any proof that there is nothing super serious about my running, just peek at my training plan for my race.  Pink and green people, pink and green.  Who says a training plan can't be stylish? 

 

I'm sure you are noticing how infrequent running actually makes an appearance on this plan.  I cooked it up myself, a version of the marathon plan I followed for Houston, based on the book Run Less, Run Faster.  My body responded well to the lower mileage yet more intense workouts. Plus, if affords me more time for cross training. Essential. Notice I've inserted yoga as my cross training, not swimming or cycling. Now, that doesn't mean that I won't be pedaling my legs for cardio.  I will.  However, there will be no swimming since I don't have access to a pool.  Apparently, that is essential to get your swim on.  I've found the hot yoga a wonderful compliment to my running.  It's cardio for sure, my heart rate stays elevated and it's using my muscle groups in new and challenging ways. The whole point of cross training, right?

So there you have it.  My super slim Spring race schedule.  Two measly races.  What else should I run? Suggestions are welcome!  

OhandImightjustmightbeconsideringrunninga50mileraceinJulydoesthatmakemecompletelycrazy? 

Day of "Rest"

I'm plum worn out today.

Friday night I went in for 90 minutes of hot yoga to get all bendy for my return to running.  Saturday morning I laced up my Mizuno Wave Riders and hit the pavement with my girls for 6 glorious miles.  Oh, it felt so gooooood to be back to running!  I know I needed that break.  I have a half in a month and taking 2 weeks off isn't going to make or break me racing it.  The distance isn't going to be an issue. But being overtrained and overworked, could be.  Gotta be nice to your body.  That said, my body was glad to be back to running finally!  I took it slower, averaging about a 9:50 mile.  Let's hope I can see that pace ooch downward over the next few weeks. 

We hit up Starbucks after our run and by hit up I mean, I sat there empty handed.  Don't give me dagger looks; I'm not a Starbucks girl.  I just don't enjoy coffee or tea!  But I do enjoy the good company of my sweet friends and it was great to catch up with them.  Eventually, yoga was calling my name so I left them there and headed out for 90 more minutes.  Ah, just what those legs needed after my run! 

I set about to do yoga each day for 7 days.  Sadly, I had to skip on Thursday because I had a maintenance man at my house. The work took longer than expected and I missed.  I still managed to go 7 times in 8 days.  Not bad!  I really enjoyed my challenge.  I found that by going each day, I remembered more of what I had learned and my body responded well.  I even managed to get my right arm and shoulder all the way to the ground during spine twist!  Get excited.  I still, however, loathe Locust.  Ugh.  I just hurts my wrists.  My body was not made to Locust.  Any suggestions from you yogis out there? 

Running + hot yoga = a very stinky pinky girl.  So I cleaned myself up just in time for...softball practice!  That's right, Spring season is upon us.  It felt great to  be back out on that red field again.  What I wasn't expecting was all the sprinting I had to do in the outfield!  Argh, I'd already done my run for the day! 

Lucy and I hit up organic plant nursery on the way home from practice.  I picked up some potatoes, lettuce seed and a hot pepper plant.  I don't want to get carried away just yet.  Let's start slow.

But I did meet my first in person Ironman!  I felt like I was meeting a celebrity.  Actually, he came up to us.  From behind I hear, "Did you just get back from a run?"  In fact, I did look like I'd just come back from a hard run. Gross, sweaty and crazy headed from softball practice...but then I realized it just MIGHT have been the USA Running Circuit shirt that I was wearing.  And the tempo shorts, sweaty band and freakishly muscular legs.  You know, one of those things.  Prolly the shirt.  I asked if he was a runner and he responded with "I just do triathlons."  Instinctively, I glanced down and noticed the Ironman tattoo on his calf.  Yeah, that's a little more than "just" a tri!  We talked about racing and what not. I guess crazy people just have a way of finding each other in public, ha!

So, I love avocados.  Fact.  Creamy goodness, full of healthy fat.  Love 'em.  I really love them once they are combined with onion, tomato, jalapeno and black pepper. They are then elevated into, dun dun dun, Guacamole. Mmmmmmmmm.

 

Boy Mom forever changed my life when she casually mentioned that she freezes guacamole.  Uh, genius!  I would have never thought of that!  So I marched into the kitchen and whipped up a delicious batch of guacamole and froze it right up!  I used an ice cube tray. Now they are the perfect size to pop on a wrap or a sandwich!  Yummers. 

Everyone is so stinkin' excited about Daylight Savings Time.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Y'all know the days would get lighter longer even without me losing an hour, right?  This is going to be a rough week getting my sleep patterns in line with the clock.  But really, who can be a grump when she wakes up to this?  Aw, my boys are such good snugglers!

I was pretty worn out from my 3 workouts yesterday, but a Pink Girl's work is never done.  Lemme tell you , home ownership can be exhausting.  Seems like when the seasons change there is just that much more work to do!  Last weekend I put down fertilizer and weed killer.  Today I power washed the garage and the front porch, washed the windows, de-winterized the faucets and took a wire brush to all of the cast iron porch railings.  Had to get all the lose dirt and paint off because next weekend I'm painting them.  Ah, prepwork.  Next weekend will also probably be the first mow of the season.  Me and the lawnmower, we aren't exactly close friends.  It's not like I have a big yard to care for, it's just that I really don't know what I'm doing most of the time! 

After another one of my seemingly endless trips to Home Depot, I was ready to work in my garden.  Remember I bought some potatoes yesterday?  Well, I had to cut them up and let them "scab over" (gross terminology BTW) before I could plant them.  This afternoon they seemed appropriately scabbed  (once again, ew) so I headed out.

Put down two rows of potatoes, two rows of lettuce seed and one pepper plant.  I plan to buy some blueberry bushes, green bean seeds and tomatoes.  Sadly, I missed out on onions this year.  You snooze you loose!  I'm also considering spinach.  We shall see.  Hopefully I can get SOMETHING to grow that is also edible!  Fingers crossed.

Whew.  I'm worn out.  I made the difficult decision to skip yoga tonight.  I'm tired and my hip is giving me some grief.  You gotta know when to admit defeat.  I had a very physically active weekend.  Maybe some "rest" will do me good.  So I sit on the sofa, my sore booty firmly planted on a tennis ball with some store bought potatoes baking in the oven.  Hopefully I'll be baking home grown potatoes later this Summer! 

Tomorrow I return to the track and I couldn't be more excited. What's on your plate for tomorrow?

Racing Weight

Last Summer I ordered the book, Racing Weight by Matt Fitzgerald. 

Then I proceeded to lose, oh, about 25 pounds.  Not because of the book mind you, and certainly NOT in a healthy way.  I scared me that I could lose so much weight so quickly.  More than just losing my appetite, I completely lost the will to eat.  I still don't really have an appetite.  Because my racing is so important to me, I force myself to eat.  I'm a smart enough Pink Girl to know that I have to properly fuel my body to get it to do the things I ask of it.  Duh.  You gotta put calories in to make it move! 

Now I'm at a weight that is around what I was in college.  Funny, I didn't see myself as particularly thin back then.  In fact, I was larger than I had ever been.  I didn't feel big, just felt like me.  Now, having been heavier, but certainly NOT heavy, I have some perspective.  I see muscle definition that I didn't know was there.  But honestly, I don't SEE myself as any thinner.  I'm faster for sure.  Some of that has to do with trianing, but it makes sense, my body works less to move less.  I'm a more efficient runner these days.  This is a good thing.

So where does that leave me? 

Part of me would like to  become leaner.  I had a body fat analysis last week and I'm at the lower end of the "Fitness" range and just outside the upper send of the "Athlete" end.  I admit it is very appealing, the idea of being leaner. 

That would require a lot of discipline and a major diet overhaul.  You can get thin on a restricted calorie diet, but you don't get lean and keep muscle mass with just calorie counting. You've got to make sure you are getting all the RIGHT foods.  It's not about eating less because this type of weight loss isn't  about swimsuit season.  It's about the right combination of foods and frankly, eating leaner. 

Not sure if I'm ready for that type of culinary discipline right now.  I'm a very healthy size.  I don't want to risk losing any muscle mass.  I need my muscles to run! 

At the end of the day, my body is a machine and it's my responsibility to fuel it properly to ensure it is able to do what I ask of it. 

And sometimes, sometimes, it needs chips and cupcakes.  So for now, I'll continue to eat (mostly) healthy, be content with the size that I am, and fuel with grilled cheese sandwiches when necessary! 

Have you ever considered a lean diet in the name of performance? 

Wreally Wordy Wednesday

I did something new today.

I participated in a "Live Studio Audience" at a filming!  This was actually for work and I was super excited to see it all happen.  I've never been to a taping of anything, so even a retirement readiness seminar was intriguing to me.  We arrived at the studios this morning to find this fun trompe l'oeil!  Can you see the "people" looking over the "balcony"?   It really doesn't take much to impress me.

We found our soundstage and entered.  It was full of neat props including a giant Oscar statue (like the kind they have on the red carpet at the Academy Awards) and a model ship.    I knew they wouldn't be using anything THAT neat in our presentation, but still. 

Do you remember the show, Walker Texas Ranger? Anyone?  Well, it was filmed here.  And T.O. and I jumped at the change to have our pic snapped at the cantina from the show. 

The actual filming was pretty interesting too.  The panel was very professional and got most everything in only one take.  I was amazed.  Whenever I have to record anything - short on-line voice overs -  my mouth dries up and I lose the ability to form complete sentences. Which is funny since I basically public speak as my job. Something about being recorded for all time ooges me out.  But they did a great job!  At the end, the filmed the live audience (us!) for about 5 minutes straight (if felt like a lifetime) making concerned faces, smiling faces, agreement faces, good idea faces, I hadn't thought of that faces and so on. Then we were filmed clapping a few times.  And finally, laughing.  I doubt any of my "faces" will ever make it on screen but it was a really cool experience. 

Tonight, I headed to yoga as part of my 7 day Yoga Challenge. Today was Day 5.  And I received my PINK foundation bracelet for my 25th class.  I'm really digging this every day challenge.  Since I'm going to classes I wouldn't normally attend, I'm getting exposed to other instructors.  They are all great, but I learn something new from each of them with their different teaching styles and approach. 

As I type this I'm eating a frozen pizza (well, it's cooked now) labeled "Artichoke Heart and Pesto."  Hrmph.  There were a FEW little bits of artichoke heart (which I adore, that's why I bought the za) but mostly capers (ew) and onion.  I like onion, but I really don't count that as a veggie on a veggie pizza.  Not one black olive to speak off. So sad.  Oh well, at only 330 calories for 1/3 of the pretty big pizza, I'm still getting a delicious dinner. Even without my beloved artichoke hearts!

Hope your Wednesday was full of artichoke hearts (or other things YOU love!)

Back on Track (but not at the track)

This was my long weekend.

I was off on Friday.  I do love a flexible work schedule!  Last week I didn't run. At all.  At all, at all.  Zero miles.  You know, except for the 31 on Sunday.  Other than that.  I decided to try real rest.  No yoga either.  You know what?  I got terribly bored!  What do people who don't exercise DO with their time???  I knew my body needed the rest so I gladly gave it despite the boredom. 

Saturday morning I was supposed to run a 5K.  Because some idiot (me) signed up for a 5K the weekend after her ultra.  I missed packet pick up and made a deal with myself.  I'd run up to the high school Saturday morning and if I felt okay, I'd run the race, not race it.  If I didn't feel good, I'd get my packet, turn around and walk home.  You know what I ended up doing?  Sleeping in!  That's right, rolled right over, pulled the covers over my head and my cat closer. 

Best decision ever.

I couldn't sleep too terribly late though for it was Garden Build Day at the church.  I'm excited to be a part of a Community Garden!  I've never grown a bonafide garden before.  A few years ago I tried my hand at pumpkins.  I had minor success.  This year though, I'm going whole hog.  Vegetables you can eat!  (I hope!)

I packed up my tools in the Civic, put my pink gloves on and headed out to build a garden.

Many hands make light work, truer words have never been spoken.  When I arrived, it was merely an empty filed.  In just a few short (but tiring) hours, we had 20 beds built and filled.  It was incredible to see everyone working together!  Here's "my" bed being raked by a neighbor and church member.

I'm so excited to be a part of this!  10% of your harvest goes to the church food pantry.  So now I feel the pressure to be successful!  I'm planning on putting lettuce, potatoes and onions down now.  In a few weeks I'll put down tomatoes, pepper and green beans.  Maybe okra! Just call me That Pink Farmer. 

Of course I was famished after working the earth all morning. I rewarded myself with Fuzzy's Taco.  Mmm, cheesy.  I had old lady hands from being out in the cold all morning. Yes, cold.  Where was this perfect running weather, last weekend?

After digesting all that Tex Mex, I headed to yoga.  Oh, it felt so goooood to finally sweat again!  I've decided to take this week off from running as well.  I do have a half in six weeks, but I'm not worried.  My body will benefit more from the rest than jumping right back in to training mode.  So I'm setting the goal to go to yoga every single day this week.  It's not exactly Amber's 30 day yoga challenge, but it's a start.  I went to my favorite 90 minute class today.  Ah, yogay.  I may throw a few short runs in there just to get the legs moving, but NO speed work, NO track work, NO tempo runs.  S-l-o-w.  Pinky promise.

I'm also going to get my eating back on track.  My appetite vanished leading up to and just after my ultra.  But boy howdy did it ever come back on Tuesday!  I've been eating everything in sight.  I'm a bottomless bit.  No thought has been given to nutrition either.  So I'm calling an audible and  banishing the crap from my diet.  I cannot continue to eat like I'm training for a 50K.  You know, when I'm not. 

So, back on the nutritious train.  No more cookies, no more chips, no more eating out like I'm made of money.  Of course, as bad as my intake got, I'd never given up on my milk.  And it tastes soooo much better in my Houston finisher's mug!

What are your goals for this week?

Playlist Gold

I don't usually run to music.

I most certainly don't usually RACE to music since up until recently it was against USATF rules.  And I am a rules girl through and through.  But they lifted the ban on headphones (unless you are up for a prize and there is absolutely NO way I was winning my age group) so I decided to make a sick playlist for Houston.  Cept, my iPhone wasn't cooperating on race day and I had no music.

Thankfully it decided to behave during Cowtown.  I always find it interesting to see what y'all run to.  Some people go for inspirational.  Others spiritual.  Some like me just look for a sick beat that has a good cadence.  I must say, running for 6 hours it was nice to have some company in the form of familiar tunes.  So here I have, for your reading enjoyment, my ultra sick playlist.

If you want me to be honest here, and I will be, the first 21 songs are entirely autobiographical.  They really represent what's been happening in my life, how I've been feeling. 

Here we go:
1.  Texas Cadence - because you all know I love a drum line and the Longhorn Band never disappoints.
2.  Rabbit Run - Whatever he's done in his life, Em seems to know exactly what is going on in mine.  It's scary.  "Some days I just wanna up and call it quits, I feel like I'm surrounding by a wall of bricks..."
3. 8 Mile - the opening hook gets me every time.  "Sometimes it's just hard enough dealing with real life."
4. Lose Yourself - Eminem again.  "If you had one shot, one opportunity..."
5.  Love the Way You Lie - I was listening to this song on blast as I drove home that day.  That day that forever changed my life.  Like foreshadowing if you can believe that Eminem can foreshadow.  This song makes me want to put my fist through the drywall.  Oh wait, I actually did that.  Lemme tell you, it doesn't really hurt when you hit the wall.  It feels good.  But months later, your knuckles will still be sore and swollen.  It's really not worth it.  Except, yeah, it was at the time. 'Nother story.  Run an ultra instead. 
6. No Love - Lil' Wayne makes an appearance  "Kick me while I'm down, I'll break yo leg."  Exactly how I feel Wayne. 
7.  Hello Good Morning - Diddy Dirty Money This song just makes me feel tough.  This song was written for running.  And I AM the Captain of the Cool Kids. "Everybody know what the truth be."
8.  Not Afraid - One night I drove up and down the highway for hours listening to this song on repeat.  I'm telling you, he lived my life.  "And I just can't keep livin' this way, so starting today, I'm breakin out of this cage.  I'm standing up, Imma face my demons, I'm (wo)manin' up, Imma hold my ground.  I've had enough, now I'm so fed up.  Time to put my life together right now."
9. So What - Pink.  Oh Pink. Girlfriend, this song makes me want to get in a fight.  Let's go.
10.  Womanizer - That's all I'm going to say. That and I love Britney.
11. Fighter - Ms. Aguilera "Made me run a little bit faster."
12.  I Will Survive - The Cake version. In true Cake fashion, they've added a little, ah, color to the lyrics.
13. Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects  This song puts a smile on my face and I can't help but sing along.
14.  F*** You - Oh Cee Lo, I pink sparkle heart you for writing this song.  And I do not have the clean version.  I dream of singing this at karaoke night. 
15.  We Will Walk - Matisyahu  "We will walk until my blood runs out, until my heart is burned, you are not alone."  You gotta love a Hasidic man who can spit rhymes about God's love and power.  It doesn't get much better than that.
16.  Empire State of Mind - JayZ  I love NYC. This song reminds me of running my first marathon.  As painful as that was, it's still a beautiful memory.  Plus, I love NYC and the NY attitude.  They are like Texans with funny accents.
17. Stronger - Kanye "That, that, that don't kill me, can only make me stronger."  How true Kanye, how true.  Seems like I've heard that somewhere before though...
18.  Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars.  Who doesn't want someone to feel this way about her?
19.  F**kin Perfect - Pink again.  "Dug my way out, blood and fire."
20.  Only Girl in the World - Rihanna makes another appearance, this time solo.  "Want you to make me feel, like I'm the only girl in the world, like I'm the only one that you'll ever love."
21.  Till I Collapse - because who doesn't have this song on her playlist???  "I will not fall, I will stand tall"

Then we diverge into just some crazy beats and funness.
22. Hollaback Girl - Yeah, I've been around the track a few times myself Gwen.  This sh!t is indeed bananas.
23. Magic - B.oB.  I've got the magic in me.  I had it all along. Sometimes I just forget and this song helps me remember. "Every time I touch that track, it turns it into gold." So he's talking about music.  I can have a gold track, right?
24.  Shawty Get Loose - Oh Lil' Mama.  I dare you to listen to this song and not dance.  Double dog dare you.
25.  Imma Be - Peas.  Just because.
26. Pon de Replay - Rihanna once more.  "Run until the moon becomes the sun"  Yeah, I actually did that a few times.  Not for the faint of heart.
27.  Blow - I will NOT apologize for having Ke$h on my iPod.   "Throw some glitter make it rain!"  Do it girl, go insane. 
28. Lip Gloss - Lil' Mama again.   "What you know bout me?"
29.  Girlfriend - Avril I actually added this one because it makes me laugh.  Who knew it would ever be so applicable in my life??? And just for the record, I don't like your girlfriend.  See my desire from #9.

And finally...
30.  King Without a Crown - Matisyahu again  "You're all that I have and all that I need. Each and every day I pray to get to know ya please.  I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry.  You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty."

Wanna know what was playing as I crossed the finish line?  I wondered about that all race.  What would be "the song?" 

Stronger by Kanye.  Indeed I am stronger.  Stronger than I ever believed. 

So there you have it.  Not a single radio edit.  Hope you aren't too disgusted by my running music taste.  It got me to the finish line. 

Recovery

My recovery has been good.

I'm actually, you know, taking a real break this time.  I figured after 31 miles, my legs deserved a little rest.  Like, real, honest to goodness rest.  Who woulda thunk it?

I haven't been sore even one little bit.  I know, weird, right?  I felt great on Monday and thought that Tuesday would bring nightmares.  So I scheduled a nice massage.  Woke up, just fine.  Still got the massage though.  Uh, you can still want to feel good, even when you don't feel bad. 

I chalk that up to running as slowly as I did.  Taking an ice bath even though I really didn't want to sit in that cold water for 20 minutes.  Foam rolling all over the living room.  Icing my knees and my hips each night.  And stretching like my life depended on it. 

Or maybe just luck. 

Tuesday afternoon I did start to lose a full range of motion in my hips so I waddled a bit.  Amusing for my co-workers I'm sure.  But I wasn't sore.  Just really tight after sitting for a bit.  The bottom of my left foot was a little tender yesterday and today.  I'm icing it like a good pink girl.  But other than that, muscularly, I feel pretty good!

Muscularly.

I got one heck of a sunburn.  In February.  Ouch.  Now, I know better; I should have worn plenty of sunblock.  But I didn't because you know, it was February and supposed to be rainy.  Well, it was hot and that Texas sun has no mercy even in the Winter months, apparently.  THAT is what made me feel miserable.  A totally avoidable, entirely nasty sunburn.  I ran a slight fever on Monday because of my stupidity.  Yep.  Ran a 50K and what hurt me the most was a sunburn.  Ouch.  Lesson learned.

Strangely, I had no appetite.  My girls brought tortillas and chips from Joe T's on Sunday and I nibbled on the corner of a tortilla in the car on the way home, but wasn't even the slightest bit hungry.  By Sunday night I thought that I best eat SOMETHING.  I mean, c'mon, I was operating on a serious calorie deficit.  Still no appetite. So I made a green monster. Which, I promptly ralphed up.  Eeeeew.

Monday, still not hungry.  I guess my body was in complete shock.  It didn't know what to do.  So I just made sure to drink plenty of water and threw in a little Gatorade every now and then.  By Tuesday afternoon my appetite returned and with a vengeance.  I was eating everything in sight!  It still has not slowed down.  Must.have.more.food. 

I've been sleeping like a cat.  As in for hours and hours at a time.  I fall asleep on the couch when I get home from work and hit the biscuit for good before 9 pm.  I'm sleeping until the last possible minute each morning.  I'm really looking forward to some quality naps this weekend and sleeping very, very late.  This girl is tired. 

I still can't believe that I did it.  I usually get a little blue after a race if I don't have something else planned.  Not quite sure how I top this as far as training goes...but I'm signed up for a half marathon in April and again in May.  I'm taking March off from racing! 

I never buy race photos.  They are always absolutely horrible.  But I think I might actually purchase a few this time.  You only run your first ultra once, right? 

Wishing I had removed the wet paper towels woven around my neck.  Hmm, wonder if they can photoshop that out of the pic?  They snapped this one as I "sprinted" towards the finish line with my cramping calves.  The smile says it all. I really felt that great!

 

However, just seconds after crossing the finish line they captured this one.  Ha!  As happy as I was, I was even happier to finally STOP! 

Well, my brain really isn't working. Sorry that this post is kind of all over the place.  Not sure there is a single complete sentence.  Like I said, I'm incredibly tired!