Yes, I did go to the grocery store today, chain grease smeared all over one calf, wearing still damp tri-clothes and smelling like lake. Yes, I am single. Why do you ask?
Note: As I write this I am "recovering" from my weekend and rocking some ridonk tan lines. It's only March y'all.
How cute is Heidi?
I stuffed myself into my wetsuit, snapped on my cap, adjusted my goggles and, froze. I did NOT want to get in that lake. But I did, the chilly water lapping around my face. And I was fine as long as I stood still.
Here's the thing, I'm not a fast swimmer but I can handle the distance, and then some. I know I am capable. My arms are strong enough to get me where I'm going. But my brain is dumb and doesn't understand.
My heart rate goes up and I can't control my breathing. I take a gulp of air, stick my head in the water, start moving my arms and boom, it's like I have NO idea how to blow air out. Instead, I just inhale lake water. (ew)
I frog swim for a bit, tell myself I can do this, then try once more to swim. Three breaths is about all I can handle, then my breathing gets all wonky. Like, I don't. I can't.
But here's the frustrating thing, I CAN. I can go seven or eight strokes in the pool before breathing. In the lake, I can barely make it one stroke. I hate it. I hate that I'm so out of control. I hate falling apart in the lake.
I'm not scared of the water. The wetsuit keeps me warm (ish) and makes me feel secure. (it's tight y'all) I just can't get my breathing under control and I start hyperventilating.
My friends are so kind to me. Heidi's hubs stayed with me the entire time. But it was all I could do not to break down in tears.
I CAN DO THIS.
So why can't I?
My friends are super awesome! I LOVE that they think an OWS followed by a ride is FUN!
Thanks to Erin for the photo!
*also, y'all, Y'ALL all weekend I thought TODAY was St. Patrick's Day. I even wore my green cycling socks today. NO WONDER so many people had on green yesterday. I'm such a nincompoop.
LOL funny about the green. I just read your post from yesterday and was confused thinking maybe you rode on Friday :)
ReplyDeleteDo you think you just need more practice in open water to get comfortable? I would hate for you to go through all this training and freak out in the swim. I am not sure if this will help but someone told me once to close your eyes in the pool to help simulate the darkness of the open water. Maybe that would help? (of course, I guess you do have to look out for the walls...) :)
I'll try that for sure!
DeleteI am glad you got to practice the OWS before the race. I am pretty freaked out by the whole idea as well, and don't really have anywhere I can even try. I am really hoping my brain just goes numb on race day and the adrenaline of the morning just makes my arms and lungs start doing what I have been practicing all this time. There will definitely be lots of praying leading up to race day...I will add you to my list!!! You got this!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat pic with your friends. I had my bike today and rode it for the first time! I am so ready to start training with it!! Erica
ReplyDeleteAnxiety like that is awful. Short of getting some sweet meds in time for your race, could you maybe look into some breathing techniques that might both help you stay calm and keep your breathing steady in the water? Good luck. You've got this, if your brain doesn't get in the way.
ReplyDeleteLove the tan lines! That was always my favorite thing about playing soccer -- the tan lines that prove you were doing something awesome!
ReplyDeleteYou deserve serious props for swimming in a lake. I think I developed a fear of them as a child in the swampy south. For no reason really. You will kick that lake's butt before it knows what happened!
Yes, you can do it! Here's a little open water trick: when you first get in, stick your head under all the way. This will kick up that cold-water, gasping response. You get it over with. Then when you start to swim, you will calm down. You've got this!
ReplyDeleteThank you Miss Z, I'll do that this weekend. I'm at the lake again. I WILL conquer this!
DeleteThis happened to me the first 10 times I swam in a lake. You just have to teach your brain that it's okay. You'll get there!
ReplyDeleteLots of props to you for getting out there for OWS — something I've never considered trying. In time, I'm sure it will be another challenge you will overcome and crush. Now, about that day-late green ...
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong, you CAN do this. We've got another OWS on Sat and we are going to stay in the water till you kick its buttocks. Seriously. I'm so proud of you when you kept going on Sun when I know you didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteGirl, I sooo know what you are going through (have you seen my post about my 1st OWS?). I felt like that for my first few races, even after having successful OWS practice. It's all mental. Last summer, I had a major breakthrough...I finally just told my freaked out brain to chill the hell out. I kept telling myself that I was just swimming. Just like in the pool. To just relax and swim. I think I finally told myself enough times to actually believe it. I had the best swim ever during a tri...and even helped out a friend next to me who was having a freak out moment. You can do this!!!! You really can!!!
ReplyDeleteIts just a matter of getting used to the open water. Of COURSE you can do it!!
ReplyDeleteGirl... I feel you. I know you already ready my Panic. Bike. Walk. post... but ER.. it DOES get better and calmer, but you have to center that focus, go slow and it will happen in time! Love the blog. Keep moving forward!
ReplyDeleteSBM
Hey, hey, heyyyyyy, you know i've experienced the same weird anxiety in the swim too, right? I'm not afraid, I feel strong, but for some reason when I get in the swim portion of the tri I forget how to keep my face in the water. It just takes a lot of practice and getting comfortable and familiar with it. Get your bum back to the open water often as possible!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like how I breathe in the POOL! You can do this because you are strong. Like anything new, it just takes getting used to. Just think faith, not fear! You can do it!
ReplyDeleteI know so many people who have had this reaction and then gone on to become super successful triathletes. I'll add you to the list soon, I know.
ReplyDeleteI haven't done tons of OWS, only a couple, but it is different.
I had that anxiety reaction during a bike rally a few years ago at the top of a giant hill (it was in Austin - obvi we don't have hills like that here) and I literally got off my bike and hyperventilated and then walked my sweet @$$ down the hill instead of riding. I was convinced I'd crash. Not sure what this gets you, other than knowing you're not alone. We all have our moments. The key is that you are working on it and you WILL get past it.
Gerald at the OWS and some of the others are REALLY good swimmers. Look for Dave Young - he's a swim instructor and I believe he's going to be in the kayak. YOU are strong and YOU can do this!!
ok, when i said i enjoy reading about your swimming, i didn't mean the lake swims!! ugh. so sorry. i feel that way in lakes too - totally opposite than the pool. it's just... different in the lake. i'll stop there!
ReplyDelete