Yes, I did go to the grocery store today, chain grease smeared all over one calf, wearing still damp tri-clothes and smelling like lake. Yes, I am single. Why do you ask?
Note: As I write this I am "recovering" from my weekend and rocking some ridonk tan lines. It's only March y'all.
Hit up Lake Grapevine for an OWS and some more miles on my bike. It wasn't any less windy than yesterday but it was hillier, so there's that. On every climb my legs reminded me that they had just done 60 miles yesterday. But all in all, it was a great day to be on my bike. (but isn't every day?)
How cute is Heidi?
The swim. Ugh. Y'all, I've been pretty honest about my adventures with anxiety. It sucks. And for a girl who likes to be in control of everything she does, it is super frustrating to be so out of control of my anxiety. I'm getting much better at quelling any full blown attacks, however, I'm usually on dry land.
I stuffed myself into my wetsuit, snapped on my cap, adjusted my goggles and, froze. I did NOT want to get in that lake. But I did, the chilly water lapping around my face. And I was fine as long as I stood still.
Here's the thing, I'm not a fast swimmer but I can handle the distance, and then some. I know I am capable. My arms are strong enough to get me where I'm going. But my brain is dumb and doesn't understand.
My heart rate goes up and I can't control my breathing. I take a gulp of air, stick my head in the water, start moving my arms and boom, it's like I have NO idea how to blow air out. Instead, I just inhale lake water. (ew)
I frog swim for a bit, tell myself I can do this, then try once more to swim. Three breaths is about all I can handle, then my breathing gets all wonky. Like, I don't. I can't.
But here's the frustrating thing, I CAN. I can go seven or eight strokes in the pool before breathing. In the lake, I can barely make it one stroke. I hate it. I hate that I'm so out of control. I hate falling apart in the lake.
I'm not scared of the water. The wetsuit keeps me warm (ish) and makes me feel secure. (it's tight y'all) I just can't get my breathing under control and I start hyperventilating.
My friends are so kind to me. Heidi's hubs stayed with me the entire time. But it was all I could do not to break down in tears.
I CAN DO THIS.
So why can't I?
My friends are super awesome! I LOVE that they think an OWS followed by a ride is FUN!
Thanks to Erin for the photo!
*also, y'all, Y'ALL all weekend I thought TODAY was St. Patrick's Day. I even wore my green cycling socks today. NO WONDER so many people had on green yesterday. I'm such a nincompoop.