So I'm three weeks in to IronMan training. Actually, wrapping up Week 4.
Apparently, Week 4 is about the right time to have your first major freak out. And, as usual, I'm incredibly prompt.
I had a MAJOR MELT DOWN tonight. Fortunately, my FIGJAM ladies were all there, in my phone, to calm me the eff down and say all the right things. Also? I went to Target and bought new sheets and a bag of dark chocolate Christmas m&ms. Target cures pretty much everything. But in the interest of sharing, here are some of my concerns:
Am I too slow for IM? Am I kidding myself about making the cutoffs? People keep saying that ANYONE can complete an IM, but I'm not so sure they meant me. The math gives me fuzzy head and terrified heart.
HOW IN THE CRAPPITY CRAP am I going to fit in all the workouts? Right now my weekly hours are about the same as midpoint for a marathon or ultra. But it's the juggling that is getting me. With the pool I'm limited to when they are open. And I haven't been to yoga in three weeks because, well, they only have classes when they have classes and thus far, I haven't been able to make it work.
Bored to tears on the trainer one morning. Dramatic much?
How am I going to make it work? My boss generously let me change me schedule a bit to come in a half hour later. (she's awesome, BTW) But that still means 4 am or earlier wake ups. I'm sleeping MUCH better these days, but as tired as I am, I still can't seem to get my tail in the biscuit at a reasonable hour. You'd think exhaustion would do it.
Am I just going to look homeless for the next 5 months? Because I'm rushing to work with wet hobo hair and no makeup.
Who is going to clean my house? I cannot tolerate a dirty house. It gives me fits to see dishes in the sink. I'm trying to eat as clean as I can, and that means cooking real meals. Real meals make dirty dishes. Seriously, can't I survive on peanut butter and Cheerios for the next five months? WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT? What SHOULD I be eating?
Truth: I bribed myself on Christmas Eve. If I finished my swim, I could have pizza.
It was amazing. Yes, $6 pizza is amazing when you're swungry.
Why am I so fluffy? (oh, maybe it's the pizza and m&ms, ya think?) Race weight is but a distant memory. My pity party after Chicago was very unkind. But I'm so stinkin' HANGRY all the time. Am I going to be the only person who ever GAINS weight during IM training?
I'm still allergic to SOMETHING. And I think it's the pool. The hives are making me a grumpasaurus.
I don't understand all of my swim workouts. So. Much. Math. And how come I'm already swimming 4000 yds? Don't I get to work up to race distance like I do for the run and bike? No? Oh.
I stopped taking my vitamins to see if they were causing my allergy. And my nails are growing like crayzay. But only on my left hand. Weird.
What should my race schedule look like? I'm only signed up for one race in 2013 and that's IM.
And so much more.
Yes, I know, I'm cray. Just allow me a little cray today and I'll settle down. I'm not usually a worrier and that is stressing me out that much more. Sweet Drum says that it's just so overwhelming that it magnifies everything else. Her advice? Get off social media and focus on myself for a while.
And I think she's right. I've deleted Twitter off my phone, FB is a distant memory, Instagram is gone forever and Daily Mile? Well, sorry folks, I'm just going to use that to log my miles to keep up with my training. I'm not trying to be selfish with my DM "encouragement" but, yeah, I am. I gots to get ahold of TPG!
I'm thankful I have friends who have been there before and can give me guidance. I'm thankful I have friends who are going through the exact same thing. I'm thankful that this crazy will only last until I finally get my pink butt in bed. I just need a long nap. Everything will be better in the morning. Cause, for all that getting up early, I get to see things like this.
Tomorrow is another day.